Reality Check!

Some days this disease of Dementia is so real.  No getting around it.  Yesterday was one of those days.

We started the day with our estate planning attorney.  Since Bob’s neurologist and primary care doctor have deemed him to be incapable of handling his own personal and financial affairs, we needed to make some changes to my Financial POA, Will, and Health Care Directive.  No longer can Bob be responsible for taking care of any financial or personal issues.  I will be signing papers for Bob as his “attorney in fact” and Kyle will become the next in charge if I am not able.  It was such a real moment.  For me.  It meant nothing to Bob.  He mentioned afterwards that he felt so stupid as he had no idea what we were doing at “that office” and had no idea what “that man” and I were talking about.  I tried my best to give a simple explanation ahead of time and afterwards but he didn’t get it.  Further proof that it is time for me to fully take over our affairs.  Reality Check #1.

From there we went to Old Town Mexican Cafe for lunch.  It’s a place with lots of history for us.  We take out of town guests there, have eaten there often with family and friends, and it’s the first place we stop after the airport whenever Kyle flies into town.  We have eaten there for 40+ years.  Bob said he had never been there before! Wow! That floored me.  I tried unsuccessfully to jar his memory by telling him of some of the fun times we had there.  He ended up saying he thought the food was good for him and that the he memories were good for me.  I thought that was so great that he did comprehend that I had memories of the restaurant even if he didn’t.  I thought it sucked that he had none of his own memories of the restaurant. Reality Check #2.

Lastly, we returned home for an afternoon visit from a social worker from Alzheimer’s San Diego.  She came to do an assessment for Bob as there is a possibility of getting a volunteer respite care companion for a few hours once a week.  We are at the stage where I do not feel I can leave Bob home alone.  It seems to have happened so fast and I was praying for a bit more time for him to have some independence. Bob enjoyed the opportunity to visit with “my nice friend” and he told some of his very interesting stories.  Not knowing the real story, his made-up versions of the stories are quite fascinating.  The social worker feels he would be an excellent client for them and they hope to find a Companion Volunteer for Bob that will kindly listen to his stories, engage him socially, and become his friend.  It’s nice to know that some respite help for me is in the works but it’s sad to think that we are moving into a new stage of the disease where I can’t leave him home alone for any time at all.  Reality Check #3.

Side Note: We also stopped at Kaiser to do a Blood Pressure check requested by Bob’s Nephrologist and so I had my own blood pressure checked as well.  Mine was through the roof.  I can’t imagine why!!

So my prayer for the day was, “Lord, as I adjust to the changes in my life, develop new routines, and face a new reality, please give me comfort and hope and guidance.”

Actually this will be my prayer every day.

Just a few of our many visits to Old Town Mexican Cafe!

13 thoughts on “Reality Check!

  1. Sending you prayers and support. What a tough blow to get all at once. I had no idea. With all that you guys have been doing lately, this totally surprised me. If I can help you Susan in any way let me know.

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    1. Bob’s cognitive impairment started MANY years ago and its been a slow steady decline. Our days of any big travels are over but our daily adventures around San Diego are still very feasible. You’d be happy to know that I just renewed our SeaWorld passes!!! Thanks for your offer to help…

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing this part of you walk in life. I feel you are preparing me for whatever God has in store. Again and always, prayers with hugs, Joan

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