New Year/New Word 2024

A few years back I started choosing a word instead of making a New Year’s Resolution. Or maybe those words chose me. But either way, I kept focused on that word through the entire year. I found it more helpful to have a word to guide me than a list of resolutions that I quickly forgot.

In 2021 my word was GENTLE followed by JOY in 2022, by KINDNESS in 2023.
My new word for 2024 is STRONG.

What I want for myself is a strong body—a healthy active body. Many of you know that this year I have lost 65 pounds. Caregiving, Covid, and Bob’s passing did not help my already lousy eating habits any! But now I am feeling healthy and energetic. I want to continue exercising, walking, eating right and taking good care of my body. Becoming a widow, you quickly learn that you are on your own. I am solely responsible for taking care of myself. I want to feel capable and strong and able to live on my own for many many years!

What I want for myself is a strong mind—a mind without judgment, without bias, without gossip, without negativity, without moodiness, without hatred, without unwanted thoughts, and without stress and anxiety. Maybe I should say MIND AND HEART as I think they are connected. What you’re feeling in your heart is affected by what you put in your mind. What is in your mind shows your real heart. I want both to be in perfect alignment. I think a good summation of what I want for my mind and heart are the Fruits of the Spirit. (But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23)

I know that’s a huge ask but that is why my word is strong. I need to focus every day on being strong and having the strength needed for all my wants!

What I want for myself is a strong spirit—a faith that doesn’t waiver. A faith that is strong enough to get me through rough periods. A faith that I feel so strongly about that I live it out every day and share it with friends and family. A strong unshakable cornerstone faith.

So, where I am going to go to get this strength—the strength I need to be strong in body, mind, and spirit?

Here’s a few favorite scriptures which will tell you that answer—
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5-6
“in their hearts, humans plan their course, but the LORD determines their steps” Proverbs 16:9
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” Isaiah 41:10

So, I’m heading into 2024 on a high note and clear path.
Thanks for being with me on my journey!

PS: Last year I started 2023 being very sad and weepy about moving into yet another new year without Bob. This year, I have come to realize that Bob is right beside me and I can even hear him cheering me on.

A Box of Love

God always gives me just what I need exactly when I need it.

Father’s Day is a tough day without my hubby Bob. It’s a reminder of what I don’t have. On Mother’s Day, I am always a mom. On Father’s Day I totally feel like a widow. Some holidays are harder than others. Father’s Day is one of those.

I’m sure I wasn’t thinking it was going to be a special day when I woke up on that Sunday morning.

But God…

Yep, He turned that day right side up in a huge way.

Our church had a guest speaker for the Father’s Day Service. Todd Durkin spoke of being a godly earthly father and also reminded us that we all have a heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally. As part of his talk, he showed us a collection of letters that his own father had written to him while he was in college. He read some excerpts from some of these letters and spoke of how much it meant to him to have a father that cared about him enough to write to him.

Oh yes, people used to write letters and cards and send them in the mail! It’s not something that many people do these days since it is much easier to text, FaceTime, or message. He reminded us that there is power in the written word and that parents today should try to practice this habit and write to their children.

I almost jumped up out of my seat at church. I wanted to go home and find Kyle’s box of letters from his dad! I have been storing a lot of Kyle’s belongings (mainly Legos) since he graduated from college in 2012.

I thought that somewhere in the HUGE collection of items I have been saving for Kyle was a box of letters. I hadn’t opened that box since the day Kyle handed it to us as he packed up to leave college. I wasn’t even sure I still had it. Had this box been thrown away in our move? I hadn’t thought about it in so many years. I just wanted to get home and see if I could find it.

And there in my garage was the cardboard box. Right on top. In plain view. Prominent and easy to get to. I had a racing heart and shaking hands as I reached for the box. Was this the one? Did it still contain the letters? Were there really letters from Bob as I recollected? Was I only imagining?

You can’t imagine my happiness upon opening the cardboard box and seeing the letters. Nearly a 6” stack of handwritten letters. Neatly printed in pencil on lined paper from a tablet. Stacked in the box along with greeting cards and pictures we had mailed to Kyle during his 4 years in college. A treasure trove.

With weepy eyes, I read a few of the letters. Just a day-to-day accounting of what we were doing out here in Alpine while he was in New York. Every letter told him of how much he was missed and how much he was loved. Nothing earthshattering but it rocked my world this Father’s Day in 2023.

God knew I needed a boost in my spirit on Father’s Day and gave me that and so much more. Being able share this with our son on his first Father’s Day was such a blessing for me. Both of us loved reminiscing about the letters. Kyle said he had LOVED getting these nearly daily letters from his dad! They meant so much then. And they mean so much to Kyle now. A piece of his dad. A piece of his dad’s heart.

A box of love.

Bob Voyage!

So, my sister-in-law Pam texted me this morning with the words “Bob Voyage”!

She called it a Freudian Slip. I call it a perfect slip up!

I’m off today to visit family in Derby, Kansas (near Wichita) and right now I’m sitting in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport on a layover for a couple of hours. Good time to get these thoughts on paper (or the internet).

The families that I am visiting in Kansas are granddaughters and their families that came into my life while I was married to Bob.
Marica is the daughter of Bob’s youngest daughter Shelly and Alyx is the ex-wife of Shelly’s son Aaron. Joining us for a few days is Candice, the daughter of Bob’s oldest son Steve. I love these three women and their families, and I am so grateful for having them in my life. Between them there are 10 great grandkids, and there is another great grandson due July 5th. Vibrant, fun filled households full of love and life. Plus, they welcome me with open arms and want me to spend time with them. What could be nicer?

Oh, do I wish Bob were with me on this trip? Of course, but I can’t dwell on that. I anticipated our future as a twosome, but life took a different turn. My adventures like this week of vacation in Kansas are going to continue. And even though Bob isn’t here, he is living on in his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. And in me.

I love when they share memories of their grandpa and remind me of fun times that we have all had together. And there are lots of stilly tales and stories of cookies and doughnuts! Quite often, there are tearful moments when I miss him and wish he were here to enjoy these special times with family. More often now, I’m grateful for my life with Bob and all the wonderful family that I gained when I said “I do” way back in 1980.

So yes, it’s a “Bob Voyage”!

8,765.82 Hours of Widowhood

I just passed into another stage of widowhood. I’m no longer a NEW widow. Bob has been gone just over a year now. I will no longer be experiencing birthdays, holidays, and special occasions for the FIRST time without Bob.

It’s now the second Thanksgiving season without him and the hurt has lessened a bit. Is the hurt less or am I coping with it better? Is the pain going away or am I becoming immune to the sting? Is the sorrow lessening or am I a stronger person now? I have no idea. I just know that I can smile more, feel more pleasure, and face these milestones without caving in completely. The percentage of happy moments to sad moments is shifting. Happiness and joy are winning!

I receive emails daily from Grief Share Support Group. Some are meaningful, some aren’t. Some just speak straight to my heart. Here’s the zinger that I pulled from a recent email.

“That is why you must train yourself in biblical hope where you are absolutely convinced that God is and that He has a world to come for you and that on the other side everything will be okay. That certainty has to be bigger than the certainty of your sorrows.“

One of the consistent testimonies in Scripture is that faith can grow strong during the darkest times of adversity. It is during those darkest moments that I have come to know personally that my Lord is the God of hope.

What does this mean to me? My sorrows are certain. They aren’t totally going away anytime soon. Or ever. I miss my husband and the life we had together so very much. I miss sharing my life with him. I miss his touch and kiss (sorry grandkids if that’s gross!). I miss the things that we never got to do that I had thought we would. I miss reminiscing about our trips and adventures together. I miss his silly stories and jokes. Yes, my sorrows are certain.

But on the flip side, my God tells me that on the other side everything will be ok. I cling to that certainty as it is a bigger certainty than my sorrow.

How reassuring. No wonder I can smile.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1:3-4).

Facebook Official

My goodness. Bob has been on my mind 24/7 this month. And it’s not a bad thing. I think it’s because a year ago right now, things were rough. Bob had declined to where he needed help with almost everything. He couldn’t hold his spoon to eat or hold his coffee cup without dropping it. He had a terrible time getting into bed and just couldn’t figure that out. He would just plop himself into bed and where he landed is where he would sleep. Even if most of his body was hanging off the bed. Once super fastidious, Bob had forgotten how to shave and taking a shower was a very difficult process that he (and I both) dreaded. He was confused over what Fixodent was for and there were times he tried to brush his teeth with his razor. It was so sad to watch the physical decline that most people don’t know is associated with Dementia. Yep, the brain just stops being able to tell the body what to do. The body just stops being able to function without the brain directing it.

Bob was on a downhill slide, and it was excruciating to watch. Thinking back to last October/November brings me chills. But it also is a reminder that Bob was not living a life that he would have wanted. Yes, it was time for him to pass and sometimes these memories of the rough times make me realize that I didn’t lose a healthy happy Bob, I lost the Bob that was ready to go. Weird as this may sound, that helps a bit. I know how Bob wanted to live and how he was living last October/November was NOT how he would have ever wanted to live. On that issue, I am 100% clear.

But this year, I still have lots of changes to process. I am still not used to my new life without Bob. I’m not miserable. I’m just still trying to sort through my feelings about everything! I can be positive and upbeat and then downtrodden and miserable in the same hour. I can cry at the drop of a hat over a tiny thing or be perfectly content and smile during the most emotional experiences. Yes, I’m a mixed-up mess.

I’ve read many books about grief— about 5 stages, 10 stages, etc., but I just don’t think that those books cover everything. They barely scratch the surface. Just when I think I’ve worked through most stages, I come across another hurdle or issue. Maybe I’ll write my own book! Maybe my book would have 50 stages of grief or more!

So today I take another big step in this grief process that isn’t in any of the books I’ve read. Today I change my Facebook status to widow. Yep, it’s finally Facebook official. I know it sounds silly, but my stomach is churning a bit. Dare to move ahead. Here I go.

Bob with me and with his daughters Shelly & Julie
Fall 2021

Turning a Fair Day into a Great Day!

Since Bob’s death, the first-time experiencing holidays and special occasions without him has been difficult. Our 41st anniversary came quickly on the heels of his passing and was very tough. Then Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Day, our Birthdays, Easter, Kyle’s MBA Graduation, Father’s Day and on and on and on. Every special event is a big reminder that Bob isn’t with us anymore and a big reminder of how much he enjoyed all those occasions with me and with our family. Special days are still special but a bit hollow without my guy.

Along comes the San Diego County Fair. I really wanted to go. But who did I want to go with? Bob. Really no one else. Bob and I had our own favorite things at the Fair and we usually didn’t vary much from our routine. We didn’t like the rides or carnival games so we spent our Fair Day looking at the garden exhibits, the commercial booths, the gem and woodworking displays, the children’s art, the fine arts, the unusual collections, the craft displays, the animals, and we would sit and listen to music along our way throughout the Fair. Bob would be patient while I looked at High School Yearbooks. I’d be patient as he looked for a new baseball cap or sweatshirt. We had a sweet routine.

Bob wouldn’t fuss if I wanted to buy some odd pain cream, a vegetable peeler, a flagpole, or a carved wooden sign. Yep, and one year (over 33 years ago) we even bought a spa! And of course, we tried so many crazy foods—especially fried foods or decadent sweets!

I couldn’t imagine not doing the same old things. I couldn’t imagine going with someone who had a different Fair routine. I didn’t feel I was ready to move own and establish a new routine. I just wanted a “Bob and Susan Day” at the Fair. I got a little bit emotional and almost talked myself out of going. What kind of person goes to the Fair by themselves? Isn’t it a friend and family event? Was I being overly anxious about keeping our old routine? Was I clinging to memories when I should be letting go a bit?

Well off I went. A bit uncertain about how the day would turn out but certain that I wanted to give it a try. My attitude was good. I had confidence that Bob would be glad I was giving this a go and I felt he was cheering me on. “Go and enjoy” was what I heard him saying.

And enjoy I did. I stuck to our traditional routine but found myself spending a little more time at the photography and paintings and a little less time at the animal exhibits. I sat longer and listened to the bands/music and skipped the Pig Races. My “Bob and Susan Fair Day” had some variations. Mainly the old routine but a bit of the new. I ate somewhere Bob would have never eaten (an artichoke sandwich) and lingered longer looking at the table settings and quilts. I had a strawberry sundae instead of our traditional gingerbread. Of course, I still visited all the Law Enforcement booths and thanked them for their service. Bob would not have left the Fair without doing that!

It felt good to be mixing in some new with our old. I think that’s what my life going forward will be like. Bob will always be there even when I’m trying new things or going about my life a little differently that I would have in the past. I’ll be carrying Bob with me as I forge some new traditions and have new experiences.

So, who knows? Next year I might even be able to go with a friend and see what their “Fair Day” looks like! Maybe.

A God Moment! After I posted this blog, I read my Grief Share daily email and this was the prayer for the day: Righteous God, strengthen me, one step at a time, to face the old precious memories and to create wonderful new ones. Amen

**New Fair Routine with 6 month old Kyle!! 1990**

We had this picture tradition throughout the years with Kyle

Just One Picture Please

Last night was my last night of my grief support groups. 13 weeks of Grief Share. But that’s a story for another time.

Today’s story is about a favorite picture of Bob.

We were asked to bring 1 photo of our deceased loved one and share a story about them to the grief support group.

Bob and I met when I was 26 and he was 40. I’m now 70. That’s 44 years of photos to look through and pick ONE favorite one. I looked thorough photo albums (I have so many), looked at framed pictures throughout the house, looked at loose pictures in boxes, looked at pictures on my phone, and looked at pictures on Facebook. What a weeklong trip down memory lane. How was I going to pick just one photo of Bob? Would it be our wedding picture, our younger days skiing, our early grandparent days, our wonderful vacations, or celebrations at our home? I couldn’t sum up all that I wanted to share about Bob in just one photo.

I looked at photos of us both happy and healthy. I looked at photos of us struggling as we dealt with Bob’s health decline. I looked and looked. Lots of smiles and lots of tears as I hunted for the ONE best picture.

But finally, it stuck me. Why was I looking for MY favorite picture? I needed to share Bob’s favorite picture with the group. The picture Bob would want to share if he had the choice. I easily knew what that picture was. If I moved it out of the room or moved it to a different location out of Bob’s line of sight, he would quickly move it right back to where he wanted it. If someone came to visit, he would point out this picture to them. It was a picture that he treasured. So that’s the picture I shared last night.

It’s of Bob and his 4 kids standing together in our backyard. It’s at Christmas time a few years ago. I’m not in the photo as I took the picture. It represents a happy time in his life. Bob and his 4 children together. Blessed times, for sure.

Bob loved his children and out of everything he did in his life, this picture would sum up what he was most proud of. His children. And of course, the overabundance of grandchildren and great grandchildren, too. I hope they know that he loved them all and cherished family time together.

Bob and his first wife Beverly were young parents. I’ve heard the stories of how the family camped, swam, and even surfed. There are tales of a hippie wagon with flowers painted on it that would carry the longboards to the beach. There was softball and little league and all the things that young families did together.

When I met Bob, those 3 “kids” were young adults starting out on their own. Before we married, we had made the difficult decision to not have any more children as Bob felt three was plenty. We quickly became grandparents in our first year of marriage and more grandchildren came along in the following years. Our lives were full and there were plenty of good family times and little ones.

After many years of our marriage, Bob suggested that we have our own child! Totally out of the blue for me as I had long ago put that idea to rest. But once I realized he was very serious, we excitedly changed our plans. Kyle was born in 1990. 9 years after we were married. Bob had his first three children by the time he was 22 and had his fourth and final child at nearly 52 years old! (You know I could go on and on about our son Kyle but that’s a topic for another day as well.)

So, our family has morphed and changed over the years. It’s grown in huge numbers. Many of our grandchildren are older that our son. Who’s who in our family takes a flow chart! Currently there are 19 grandchildren (counting spouses, fiancés, and significant others) and 20 greatgrandchildren. Usually, a year doesn’t pass without the birth of a new family member. Yep, that’s why I need my organizational chart!

Bob loved being in 4-generation pictures and pushed our oldest great granddaughter Kelly to have a child so that he would have a 5-generation picture! Kelly is 22 now but I think he started talking to her about babies when she was about 18. Fortunately, she didn’t succumb to her great grandpa’s wishes and didn’t have a child just to please him!

So, I shared Bob’s favorite picture last night.

I shared his legacy.

I shared his loves.

I shared him.

My Grief Plan (at least for now)

I’ve had lots of mixed emotions since Bob’s passing. I’ve felt so conflicted with my emotions. I’ve felt guilty when I was happy but I’m just not the person that is going to sink into depression and sulk my life away. That’s just not me. But if I’m enjoying life and finding happiness in the things I am doing, am I dishonoring my newly deceased husband? What’s the right way to grieve?

Well, I have sorted it out. I’ve attended Grief Share, read several books on grieving, read scriptures, talked with others who have lost loved ones, prayed, and more. What I have found is that everyone handles grief differently. I am firm in my decision that there is not a right way or just one way to grieve. For me, there is going to be joy in every day.

Being happy doesn’t mean that I am not grieving. I miss my husband terribly. I would prefer that everything I am doing, Bob would be doing with me. But since that isn’t going to happen, I am NOT going to put my life on the back burner for some unknown period of time to “properly grieve”. I am going to wake up each day looking forward to the day ahead and when I put my head on my pillow at night, I am going to say a prayer of gratitude for the happy moments of the day. Yes, I will still be missing Bob. I will still be grieving my loss. But my outlook will be positive and joyful. Enjoying all the blessings that God has heaped on me. Grateful for the family and friends who make me smile. Thankful for the opportunities God places in my life.

Great granddaughter Aubri recently asked me if I was living by myself now. When I told her that I was, she seemed so sad for me. I explained that even though I missed her great grandpa very much, I was fine living alone. I have personal freedom like I’ve never had before. I told her that I’m not afraid to be on my own and that I love the newfound independence. I’ve discovered that I don’t like the TV on all day, and I like to sleep on the other side of the bed. I’m sure that an 11-year-old thinks I’m nuts but I’m content on my own. It’s the first time that I’ve lived alone for 42+ years and surprisingly I like it. Never would have imagined that. Never did I want this. But it’s my new reality and I’m going to make the very best of it. Who doesn’t like more closet space?

People often suggest that I get a dog or cat and tell me that I need a heartbeat in the house. I know they mean well but I don’t want a pet to care for. My caregiving days were difficult and stressful so I’m happy to only be responsible for myself. My own heartbeat is enough. I’m glad that I can say that and mean it.

I recently traveled to Kansas and Texas to visit family and some friends for two weeks and had a BLAST! It was my first post-covid and post-Bob trip. I had a grand time and there was much laughter and happiness being with loved ones. But of course, there were sad moments and tears. Not because of any feelings of guilt that I shouldn’t have gone on this trip. Or guilt over having fun without my husband. Just moments when I just missed Bob so very much and wished he were with me. I realized two things—I still can have fun and I can travel on my own. Two big lessons learned.

So, if I were going to write a book on how to grieve, I wouldn’t. I’d just say, do it your own way.

I have a cute sign that says, “what I love most about our home is who I share it with”. I kept the sign and put it by a big picture of Bob as a reminder of how much we shared and loved in our home. Maybe I should get a new sign that says, “what I love most about my HEART is who I share it with”.

My life with Bob was not perfect but we were perfect for each other. Missing him is not ever going to stop. Bob has a home in my heart and he’s not going anywhere. But by the grace of God, I can smile, laugh, and enjoy my life.

That’s my grief plan.

CLUBBING!

So, I am a member of a few “clubs” these days. “Clubs” I really hadn’t given much thought to before Bob’s death. Not that I wanted to become a member of some of them. I’ve just been thrown in. Others that I’m happy to be a part of. Glad I am eligible for membership in a few. Some I’ve been in for years and I am appreciating them more and more.

The widows’ “club”. Now that’s a “club” that I never wanted to join. It was such a foreign thought that I really didn’t know if it was widow or widower. Now I know. Membership comes at a very steep cost and being in the “club” is a constant reminder of my loss. It’s also a very very very big club. Before, I never paid much attention but there surely are lots of us widows. We’re everywhere!

There is a benefit to hanging out with other widows. They recognize why you might be having a rough day on certain occasions, and they want to make sure you’re ok. They don’t have to check with their husbands to see if they are free to spend time with you. When you do get together, you can talk for hours. Usually about those husbands you both no longer have. But your fellow widows’ “club” member cares and listens.

And then there’s’ the Grief Support Group. Oh man, I surely joined a sad “club” when I signed up for Grief Share. I’m sure I can benefit but right now it’s a hard “club” to be part of. To discuss my loss and grief makes it all so real. To listen to others as they discuss their loss and grief is heartbreaking. It feels like the air has been sucked out of the room and the other “club” members look as sad as I feel. We have a common connection in this “club” and it’s not a “club” that any of us wanted to join. Some are still in denial that they really are in this “club” and others would do anything to trade places with their loved one who passed away. I feel a bond with all these people although our stories are all so different. We share one huge thing. We miss someone terribly.

Our facilitator asked us to commit to a minimum of three classes of the Grief Group before we decide to quit the “club”. I’ve attended 4 times now, so I guess I’m committing to the entire 13-week program. I wonder if I’ll be sad when it come to an end. Will the “club” have cured me by then? Will my grief be over? I am sure I’ll still be somewhere plodding through the grief process, and I’ll miss the support of this “club”. Hopefully I’ll forge some new friendships with some of the other broken-hearted folks. Maybe we’ll form the after-grief support group “club”.

My Alzheimer’s/Dementia Support Group has turned into a huge part of my mental survival. Now that’s a “club” you don’t want a membership in. To have a loved one with Alzheimer’s/Dementia is a nightmare and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Even if the “club” has been a great means of support for me, I wish I never had needed them. I’m so glad that they are continuing to allow me and others who have lost our loved ones to still be members of the “club”. Losing this “club” membership would be awful. I know that I couldn’t have dealt with Bob’s illness and death without the support of this “club”. They get me. They really get me.

I was thrown out of another support group! It was a caregiver’s support group and once you are no longer a caregiver, they don’t want you attending. I was a bit shocked that I was being booted out of that “club”, but I guess they can’t hold my hand and coach me through life forever. Even though I had benefited from that “club”, I guess it was time to move on. One less “club” commitment since I am no longer meeting the entrance requirement.

Funny side note. One of the women I met in the caregiver’s group has reached out to me and we are going to meet up and go to a Soccer Game this month. I’ve never met her in person as this was a “club” that met on Zoom. I’m eager to meet her in person and I’m eager to attend my first professional National Women’s’ soccer match. Maybe I’ll join a new “club” of soccer enthusiasts. Go San Diego Wave!

Now let’s talk Jazzercise. Even though I am totally out of shape, the “club” of women at Jazzercise are wonderful and the crazy mix of the dancing, music, and sweating is great. What a great “club” to be in. I’m grateful for the hour of time when I can step out of my head and just dance and have fun. It’s a welcome diversion. And who knows, I may be able to do a sit-up or a plank someday.

I’ve attended Bible Study Fellowship once a week for many years and I have to say that this “club” changed my life and matured my faith. Learning the Bible with other Christian women is fantastic. Just to make sure that I get all the bible and Christian fellowship that I need during this rough patch, I’ve joined a second women’s bible study at my church. “Clubbing” with these Christian women in both of these bible study “clubs” is just what I need. Luckily there’s no entrance requirements. Come as you are!

The best “club” that I have joined recently is the “club” of baptized believers! That’s a topic for an entire blog of its own but I can share that I LOVE being in this “club” and am thrilled beyond thrilled to have been obedient to God’s word. I’m still riding a baptism high!

What other “clubs” am I in? I’m in Bronco B.A.B.E.S. group (because of my new Bronco Sport but I don’t even know what B.A.B.E.S. stands for) and a Sisterhood Travel group (travel tours for solo women) on Facebook. I’m considering joining a writer’s guild or a memoir writing group.

I’m exploring who I am without Bob. Do I have a new identity separate now from being Bob’s wife? Do I have a new purpose if it’s not being Bob’s caregiver? Maybe I’m still the same Susan but I’m exploring and looking at other “clubs” to join.

Hope to run into you while I’m out clubbing!

Thanks to those of you that are clubbing with me!!

Guess Who?!

First Valentine’s Day with Bob

1979. Bob and I had only been dating a few months and I thought we had something pretty special going on. Bob was the patrol sergeant at the northern division (SDPD) and I thought it would be great fun to send the grizzly sergeant a bouquet of flowers. I ordered them from a local Pacific Beach florist, and they were delivered early in the morning at the lineup.

I waited with anticipation to hear from Bob. Was he surprised? Did his coworkers tease him? Was he happy to be fussed over by his new girlfriend? I didn’t hear a word from him. Now granted, this was before the days of cell phones and text messages, but I did expect a phone call.

I had a dinner planned for Bob that evening at my home. I had prepared a special romantic meal and was eager to hear all about the flower delivery when he arrived at my home. He arrived. Nothing was said about the flowers. I was a bit tense. He seemed a bit tense. Had I done something wrong by sending flowers? Had I embarrassed him? Was it over the top for how early it was in our relationship? Why didn’t he mention the flowers or thank me for them?

Well, the truth came out. Within a few minutes of arriving, Bob nervously blurted out “did you send me flowers? I said I had and followed up by asking him why in the world did he have to ask. Who else would they be from? Oh my! He explained that I signed the card “Guess Who” instead of using my name. He wasn’t sure they were from me. His previous girlfriend always signed cards “Guess Who” and he thought the flowers might be from her. Oh my! I didn’t know that there was a previous girlfriend who still might be sending flowers so there was lots of discussion about her. Not quite the first Valentine’s Day Date I anticipated.

The funniest part was that Bob had spent the better part of his day trying to track down who had actually sent the flowers. He did an extremely hard press on the florist to see if they would tell him who had ordered the flowers, but they wouldn’t. He tried a phone call and then went in person in uniform to the shop to try to convince them to “give up the source”. But they stood firm and didn’t give him a name. Can you imagine the frustration when the policeman couldn’t solve the case?!

The craziest part of the night was that Bob admitted that he was so convinced that the flowers were NOT from me, that he thought about giving me the flowers that night. Fortunately, he had second thoughts on doing that and he lived for us to have another date.

And another.